Miranda (mandydax) wrote,

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Strange Feelings

This weekend has passed by painfully slowly. I didn't do anything of import. I hardly even did anything productive at all. Suddenly, it seemed that I had a ton of free time, and then I had no motivation to do anything. It's all very sad. If I had the funds (which I do, but want not to spend), I could have gone out and seen a movie, but I didn't want to go alone, and no one replied to my inquiry about doing something. I tried to play DDR yesterday, but I lost interest after about 15 Stages of Endless. I played some Diablo II, but got bored with that. I should have practiced playing pool, but it seems pointless to even try. Tomorrow for playoffs, we will be a team of 2 out of four, so we'd have to be pretty much perfect to win a race to 9. Wednesday, we''l be a team of 3, so a bit more leeway, but still terribly handicapped. I've been listless and sleeping a lot. I recognize all this as signs of depression, and it sucks. I know I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I've actually been looking forward to going back to work. I miss Patti. I realized today that she actually keeps me busy enough, and keeps me company enough, that I never really have the opportunity to slide down the slope of despair. There are things I should do, but I just can't make myself. :6 I did hook up the second TiVo in my room so I at least got that accomplishment, um, accomplished. I wanted to go out on the lake kayaking today. It was calm and sunny for a change, but it was very chilly, so I didn't. This is that point where I usually go out and buy myself something nice, but I didn't. I know it would make me feel better in the short term, but in the long term, it would make me angry and exasperated at myself for not holding myself to my "money diet." I can at least take away from this weekend that I didn't succumb to that urge. I really wanted to go to Best Buy and splurge, but I resisted. I can take a little pride in that.
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