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Oct. 1st, 2007

Thanks to everyone who commented support or suggestions to my last post.

I went to the doctor today and told her about my depression/anxiety and ask if there was any kind of medication she could give me. Maybe one that didn't have so many side-effects. She gave me a few of the sample packets (8 weeks worth) of Lexapro. Hopefully it will help. I'd been on Zoloft from about 8 years to maybe 2 years ago. I think it messed with some of my long-term memory, and I'd like to not have that this time. Memory problems weren't on the short list of side-effects for Lexapro, and occurrence is about the same as placebo. This gives me a great deal of hope that perhaps with a bit of tweaking my brain can start working as intended. Actually having taken that step to ask for the help was a huge one, and gives me hope that things will soon be okay.

I didn't end up going to my cousin's wedding on Saturday because of an anxiety attack about it. I shut off my phone so no one could call me. Whenever I thought about it, I started to cry, so I just decided not to go, and it made me feel a lot better. I really didn't get around to doing anything I intended to do this weekend. I couldn't even stand to be in P's company last night for more than about an hour. I couldn't even be motivated to tidy my own room.


Oct. 2nd, 2007 07:11 pm (UTC)
Yeah... I can't find a specific trigger, though. That makes it more frustrating. It's hard not to think of a mental block as something one should be able to fix with proper thought on the subject. Anxiety disorders and OCD are especially weird that way because the sufferer usually knows that the phobic or compulsive thoughts are unwarranted, but they can't just not have the problem. I managed to get over most of my fears of spiders and dogs and heights by reason. If I know there is no harm in the situation (IDing the spider as harmless, knowing I'm not going to fall), I can stop myself from being frightened. Social phobia is just to different. I don't even know why I should be afraid, but I am. Hopefully this drug will help sort me out a bit.
Oct. 3rd, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
OH! Trigger! Yes, well, it could be the voodoo doll I have of you. I accidentally started smashing it with a hammer on a daily basis. I don't know why.
I'll stop. I didn't realize it was messing with you.


Hey. Someone had to be irreverant and isn't that my job, anyhow?
Oct. 3rd, 2007 03:23 am (UTC)

XD By the way, how does one accidentally smash something with a hammer daily?

Anyway, good job at the irreverence! Keep it up and you might get a pay rise paid.
Oct. 3rd, 2007 02:43 pm (UTC)
Oooh! Payment for my sassitude! That would be, like, a miracle!

I said I don't KNOW how I keep accidentally smashing the voodoo doll with the hammer every day. If I knew, I would have said!

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