I went to the doctor today and told her about my depression/anxiety and ask if there was any kind of medication she could give me. Maybe one that didn't have so many side-effects. She gave me a few of the sample packets (8 weeks worth) of Lexapro. Hopefully it will help. I'd been on Zoloft from about 8 years to maybe 2 years ago. I think it messed with some of my long-term memory, and I'd like to not have that this time. Memory problems weren't on the short list of side-effects for Lexapro, and occurrence is about the same as placebo. This gives me a great deal of hope that perhaps with a bit of tweaking my brain can start working as intended. Actually having taken that step to ask for the help was a huge one, and gives me hope that things will soon be okay.
I didn't end up going to my cousin's wedding on Saturday because of an anxiety attack about it. I shut off my phone so no one could call me. Whenever I thought about it, I started to cry, so I just decided not to go, and it made me feel a lot better. I really didn't get around to doing anything I intended to do this weekend. I couldn't even stand to be in P's company last night for more than about an hour. I couldn't even be motivated to tidy my own room.