Miranda (mandydax) wrote,
Miranda
mandydax

If I had no voice

So, I don't recall if I've ever mentioned it, but I hate my voice. It's grumbly and mumbly and not at all lady-like, and it makes me sad. I can't sing worth a damn, and feel like it causes trouble for me when I talk to strangers. On the phone, even P's ex-husband mistakes me for her, and she's in her 50's and smoked for most of them. It fits her, but I don't want to sound like that. If I lost my ability to speak, I don't think I'd be all that put out. Sure, it might be a pain in the ass for a while, but I'd adjust. There are a lot of technological alternatives to using one's own vocal cords. I could get a talking machine like Stephen Hawking, and load it up with a celebrity's voice. I think it would almost have to be something that someone of my fandoms might recognize. Maybe Majel Barrett as the voice of the Enterprise, or Lt. Col. Samantha Carter! Anyway, just some thoughts I've been having. I've been anxious all week because of an appointment with a doctor on Monday. I called for it earlier in the week, and I've been over-processing stuff. I think I'll ask if she can recommend and prescribe an anti-anxiety medication. I've read up a lot on Social Anxiety Disorder, and it fits me in a lot of ways. Anxiety disorders tend to be caused (physiologically speaking) from a problem with serotonin transmission in the brain. Well, I've been on SRIs before and they helped me with depression, but kind of messed with my old memories. Maybe there's something newer or less likely to have side-effects that I can try. I also have another potential problem, but we'll have to wait and see. So, that's my little tl;dr QQ for the weekend. Tomorrow is my cousin's wedding, and I'm actually not looking forward to it because my mother will be there. With these mental problems sneaking up on me, I'm worried that I'll end up as neurotic as her. Stupid genetics and biology. :P If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading, or at least thanks for skipping to the end. >_>
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