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If I had no voice

So, I don't recall if I've ever mentioned it, but I hate my voice. It's grumbly and mumbly and not at all lady-like, and it makes me sad. I can't sing worth a damn, and feel like it causes trouble for me when I talk to strangers. On the phone, even P's ex-husband mistakes me for her, and she's in her 50's and smoked for most of them. It fits her, but I don't want to sound like that. If I lost my ability to speak, I don't think I'd be all that put out. Sure, it might be a pain in the ass for a while, but I'd adjust. There are a lot of technological alternatives to using one's own vocal cords. I could get a talking machine like Stephen Hawking, and load it up with a celebrity's voice. I think it would almost have to be something that someone of my fandoms might recognize. Maybe Majel Barrett as the voice of the Enterprise, or Lt. Col. Samantha Carter! Anyway, just some thoughts I've been having. I've been anxious all week because of an appointment with a doctor on Monday. I called for it earlier in the week, and I've been over-processing stuff. I think I'll ask if she can recommend and prescribe an anti-anxiety medication. I've read up a lot on Social Anxiety Disorder, and it fits me in a lot of ways. Anxiety disorders tend to be caused (physiologically speaking) from a problem with serotonin transmission in the brain. Well, I've been on SRIs before and they helped me with depression, but kind of messed with my old memories. Maybe there's something newer or less likely to have side-effects that I can try. I also have another potential problem, but we'll have to wait and see. So, that's my little tl;dr QQ for the weekend. Tomorrow is my cousin's wedding, and I'm actually not looking forward to it because my mother will be there. With these mental problems sneaking up on me, I'm worried that I'll end up as neurotic as her. Stupid genetics and biology. :P If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading, or at least thanks for skipping to the end. >_>


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 29th, 2007 03:50 am (UTC)
Much sympathy. That's a lot to be piling on at once. You might want to also ask your doctor to test your hormone levels, a lot of times they have a huge impact on anxiety and the like!

I hope tomorrow goes much much better than you're afraid it will!
Sep. 29th, 2007 04:07 am (UTC)

I like your voice just fine. And I love you.
Sep. 29th, 2007 08:01 pm (UTC)
I also like your voice just fine. Did you know that your voice is the one thing that ages less than any other part of your body? Old actors sound just like their younger selves, it's like a time machine when you close your eyes and just listen. Also try listening to your friends without looking at them sometime. Their voices speak intimately about what their facial expressions are, what they think, and what they look like, even when you can't see them. (Which is why phone conversations are so much more personal than email.) It's amazing.

If you lost your voice, we would all be very sad. It would be like you lost your nose, or your eye color, or a distinctive mannerism. Don't hate your voice, you should love all of you as much as we do.

So try to relax. Good luck with the wedding and Dr. appt, etc. I'd go with you for moral support, but the commute is a tad long.

*hugs* Good luck with everything.

Sep. 29th, 2007 05:35 am (UTC)
Sep. 29th, 2007 12:15 pm (UTC)
Think of your voice as smoky and sultry - like Kathleen Turner. :D

For anxiety, I recommend xanax. You only take it when you feel sketchy and it doesn't make you feel high or anything, just not anxietal. Like, one minute you're feeling paranoid and wanting to get the hell out and the next your feeling calm and ready to go.
Sep. 29th, 2007 12:15 pm (UTC)
p.s. I have a crazy Dad, so I understand the fear of turning out like a crazy parent!
Oct. 1st, 2007 01:32 am (UTC)
I hope your cousin's wedding went fine. I also hope you had a nice time.

It is kind of fun to think about some of the neat voices out there. I think the voice of the Enterprise would be pretty neat for you :)
But I like your voice too :)

I don't hate my voice, but there are times when I get frustrated with it.
I have a similar problem, my voice is kind of soft and quiet. Whenever I make phone calls I usually get mistaken for a woman. The best time was when I was living with my parents, a telemarketer called and for 3/4ths of the conversation they thought I was my Mom's mom. Boy, were they embarassed when I said I was actually her son.
If I could pick a different voice for myself. I would probably choose Mel Blanc, it would be fun to be able to have such range and make all the different voices :)

Anyhow I hope you are having a nice weekend.
Oct. 1st, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
I love you.

Maybe you should take some voice classes--they might make you feel more confident about your voice, or give you tips on using it differently. =)
Oct. 1st, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
Who has a lady-like voice, aside from Emily (from "Little Britain")? And how does not being able to sing cause trouble for you with strangers? ;)

NO, seriously...even I don't have too much of a femaley voice. In fact, many of the women I know have deeper voices and some could be mistaken for men or, at least, teenage boys.

And what about Kathleen Turner. Didn't she make herself famous via the use of a gravely, smoky voice?

And is it your voice that is causing you the anxiety? Have you ever considered vocal lessons? And maybe yoga?

My mom is currently going insane. Normally she's really mean and nasty to me and mine, but this weekend, she was playing Super Mom and it freaked me out. I understand how seeing yours might give you anxiety because I think seeing mine did.

You know, it's probably just the change in the seasons that's messing with your brain. You need more sunshine, more tomatoes, more ... hmm, I dunno. My ADD is making it really hard to play Doctor. I have to go do something else now.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )