Below is my letter to Applebee's. I researched thoroughly, and I'm sure they have to yield to our collective requests. How can they argue against these arguments? I like the idea of the burgerbiglia, but stuck with the original concept. I even worked in Mariah Carey and crackers.
I have a simple request that would make a young man's dream come true. It is this: please rename your Chicken Quesadilla Grande to the Mike Birbiglia Chicken Quesadilla Grande, or the Birbigliadilla Grande. You've probably heard of Mike Birbiglia. He's a wonderful stand-up comic. He's had his own Comedy Central Presents half-hour special, and is a regular on The Bob & Tom Show on radio. Mike does talk shows and performs in comedy clubs around the country.
I understand that your first objection is that you simply don't name food after people. This is just not true. You've named items after other celebrities before. Let me point out a few. You have a Cheeseburger with pork named after actor Kevin Bacon. You're all obviously big Mariah Carey fans, putting the name of her most wonderful song, "Honey," in the names of many of your menu items. Another band, Blondie, has a White Chocolate and Walnut dessert named after them. There's a drink in honor of the late, Perfect Margarita (Rita) Hayworth. Al Pacino has a pasta dish (Chicken & Broccoli Pasta Alfredo) named after him. That can't be coincidence. I'm thrilled to see that you had an homage to a couple of my favorite TV characters, from Stargate SG-1, Jack and Daniel. They are fictional, but Mike Birbiglia is a real, live person, and a talented comedian. You must admit that there's precedent for doing this.
Mikes Birbiglia's not only made my life better by adding laughter to it, but also, he's entertained our troops as part of the USO. He's as American as Apple Pie or Applebee's. Mike loves Applebee's. He's always talking about it whenever he's performing or doing a talk show. The man is giving you free publicity when he could be telling people where he'll be performing next. That's dedication, and that dedication deserves a reward.
So please seriously consider naming the quesadillas after our friend Mike Birbiglia. There are a lot of people, including myself, who would go out of the way just to sit down at Applebee's and order a Birbigliadilla Grande.
If, after some real discussion among the upper eschelons of Applebee's, you still refuse to do the small honor of naming a quesadilla after Mike Birbiglia, please at least name the soup crackers after him.
God bless you and God Bless America,