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New Words for 2006

(from my email)
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

 1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
 2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
 3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
 4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
 5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles
 6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
 7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
 8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
 9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
ladypentacles
Mar. 2nd, 2006 05:09 pm (UTC)
This is awesome...
the_ericai
Mar. 2nd, 2006 11:37 pm (UTC)
Just great
Now I'm going to get my mouse-potato ass fired for laughing at this so loudly in my cubicle farm.

I'm too lazy to steal this from you, so I'm just going to point all my friends here to read it. I hope you don't mind strangers for company, though how anyone could be stranger than I...
mandydax
Mar. 3rd, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
Re: Just great
Having a salmon day?
drag_on_king
Mar. 3rd, 2006 01:27 am (UTC)
These are wonderful! Laughing so hard my eyes are watering.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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