Miranda (mandydax) wrote,

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M is for Miranda who died of ennui...

I'm suffering a weird malady. I feel sad, but not really depressed. I feel listless, adrift, and without purpose. I feel like I want the whole world to change for me and for itself. I feel like I want there to be an easy way to change my consumeristic ways, so easy that everyone can do it, and so cheap that everyone will. After I figured out how much carbon dioxide I put in the air during my trip, it makes me want to sell even my efficient little car and maybe buy a scooter or maybe a hybrid scooter/bicycle. Do they even make those? I feel like the whole world is going down the drain and everyone just enjoys the whirlpool until they drown. I want to have one of those "Eureka!" moments and solve all the world's problems. Maybe just one of the major ones, like how to take the carbon out of carbon dioxide quickly, cheaply, and in massive quantity without causing more environmental damage in the process. I don't ask for much. I also feel almost homesick. It's like going to Colorado was going someplace I'm supposed to be. I've never experienced the spirit of the Earth like that before. I mourn her pain, what we've done to her. I didn't know how beautiful She's supposed to be. Even with the blight of Denver like a swollen tick on Her bosom, I still felt something I hadn't before. It's something that, as an incarnate spirit, I long for. It's simplicity and the beauty of just being, and being in harmony with my environment. It's loving Her because She gave me life and nourished me with the air and water, the flora and the fauna, the ground beneath and the sun above. I've been thinking a lot of Jim Morrison's lyrics, especially the part in "When the Music's Over." "What have we done to the Earth? What have we done to our fair Sister? Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her. Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn. Tied her with fences and dragged her down." Yes, I searched for it, but only to check that I got it right from memory. I did. I'm also despairing at the fact that we are animals, and when our civilization is taken away, we become murderous savages. I hear about the looters and the finders. I hear about how they've become violent, shooting police and others. I guess it's only natural. Only natural. I fear that I'm one of them, deep inside. If my world were torn asunder, if my home and possessions were destroyed, if my friends and family were scattered and maybe lost, would I become one of the Yahoo? Would I kill to keep what little I had managed to scrounge if I thought it would keep me alive, or safe, or healthy? I'm stunned at the price of gas. In the last two days, I've seen it go from $2.599 to $2.699 to $2.899, and finally to $3.099, and that is for the ethanol blend. I've heard rumors of over $4 by the weekend, and seen photos of signs reading over $6. I can't really afford any increases in my expenses, but really, I'm glad. People are less likely to use gas as if it were water when it costs more than milk. The price of everything is going to increase because it takes trucks to get things to the store. Katrina was Her way of slapping our nation, and hopefully, some sense will come with that slap. I can't comprehend the devastation, the lives lost, the lives destroyed, the impact of all the toxicity in New Orleans washing into the gulf. I grieve for the people and Her as well. That's all for now. Don't worry. I'll be okay. I hope we all will be.

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